Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
