between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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