At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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