Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They have beer where we have blood.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
