put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
