I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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