if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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