I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
