I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
