My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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