so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
