The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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