Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
