i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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