i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
