I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
