Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
