You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
someone owes me an orgasm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
