I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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