I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
