Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
