I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
