After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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