i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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