matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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