I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize