I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this just has baby written all over it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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