oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
