just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
