whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
