i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
