and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
