Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
