everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Are my feet made of real feet?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
