I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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