I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
