Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Drunk is a universal language darling
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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