sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
