: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
