My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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