Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
