Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
