A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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