What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
