1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
