Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
