a queef is a wish your heart makes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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