You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
