so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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