I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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