i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
