You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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