ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
