I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
as a side note pls kill me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
