is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
