I love black thongs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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