How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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