Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
