Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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