Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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