she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
