the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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