I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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