You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
