I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
